Public Blog

2009-04-08T00:12:00.001+08:00

KNOWING movie
SUPER GREAT
i rate it 9/10

should watch! its good.
its when the main character actually die.
RARE movies let main character die.

monster vs aliens.
hilarious shit.
hahahaha.

2009-03-30T00:26:00.002+08:00

If only my life has no obstacles. It sucks when people wish you "Goodluck with your future endeavour". Whats the history behind it? it means you will and will face a dilemma. sucks ehs?
HELL YEAH!
I am facing a very hard time now. Family's having financial problem and threats between the house. Ahh if only i know what makes me happy.
Ouh wait, its photography.
why cant i just photograph? its easy said than done dearest ppl.
number one, d40 flash down.
number two, d70s is dead.
number three , no flash u can take photographs i usually take.
number four. lens spoilt.
number 5 i cnat ask dad to get me another camera and lens right?
he would kill me.
what about a film camera?
maybe i can ask my uncle.
heh.
woo.
ok.
lets talk about my life aye people.
my life is great but not perfect.
one thing i despise most is building feelings for a person.
ouh it sucks alright.
why must human have feelings.
DUDE! ITS ONLY AN ONLINE FRIEND!?
baaaaaaaahx. you havent even met "them"
blablabla
super irritating. gahx.
okay i want to photoshoot can?
i want models. please?
really really. i want models anyone?
gahx
ok later on i'll be having a job interview for the fucking first time,
but im confident. =)
ouh well i hope i get it i need the cash for a new camera. weeeeeeeee.

2009-03-24T23:04:00.002+08:00

Finally, im able to upload photos for the Singapore Street Festival.
www.singaporestreetfestival.com
any dancer/singer/yoyo enthusiast may want to look at the website.
=)
ps: who is that girl in the train who cried?

2009-03-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

whats the matter huh?
privatising?
even as friends, i still deserve the truth too.
you dont have to hide.
im prepared for hate tags.

2009-03-22T19:34:00.002+08:00

To whom it may concern;

You put up quite a show. Wow. I have nothing else to say. The truth is starting to reveal itself.
have a hapy life.
cheers

To my dearest little sister;

Im sorry sis. Stop asking me about her already. its making me feel worse. Why wont u go ask her yourself okay? sorry.

To mum and dad.

You know i love you both dearly. I know you want the best out of me but you're making me feel like a dog. I want my space. You're back to whom you are. Stop blaming me for all the dramas in the house. You're putting too so much pressure on me. Please, Stop it. Stop arguing.

Note to self;
Life has never been so challenging. Its never easy for you. All those hopes you bring and got is just rubbish. You cant hold on to it forever. Leave it. That girl that have been making you move from square to square? forget about her. You;re hurting yourself. Really. Ouh well, life isnt easy.
Ouh yes, go get a new lens ok? You need it badly.

2009-02-16T15:53:00.000+08:00

Will she ever know I am still deeply in love with her?
Does she know that I am still waiting for her?
How can I tell her that she's so special to a nobody, me?

Im falling in love again.
With the girl I knew two years ago.
Im really missing her.
Like really. I don't even know how to express this feelings.
damn damn damn.
God, Please Help me.
i told her, let be friends for now. and now i think i want to be more than friends with her.
what if she changed? i dont know, physically, emotionally, mentally, attitude?
fuck i dont care abt it. If she gets fat, she can always go on a diet?
what if she turns wild? i believe in second chances ( which i hope there will be a second chance with us)
what if she turns minah-ish? fuck it i dont care.

but honestly, i think she only treats me like a brother.
a place she can pour all her hot oil to a cold bucket of water.
damn, how i wish i could be more than a brother.

i wish she knows how i feel.
i miss her.
i really do.
its weird but i still love her.
*for all the girls ive been with, that particular name still stuck to my damn head. hell yeah she's special to me. never i want to lose contact with her.*

dear to whom it may concern.
reply my emails please.
ive been waiting.
and im getting crazy just for an email from you.

ps: Love. Thats The Feeling Im Having. You. Thats The Only Thing Im Thinking Of. Us. Will There Be Any Us?

2009-01-04T03:49:00.002+08:00

Finally, my parents are back from a long journey.
It was schedule to be at 1115pm but then it was pushed to 1045pm due to some emergency.
when we got the bags, sadly one bag got burnt.
pity.
still im happy.
ouh i got shawls, jubahs, tasbih and many more lah.
and... i miss her.

okay now moving on.

With the on going struggle of the Palestinians being oppressed by the Israels attack.
Ive decided to organise a campaign of my own. Okay not a campaign but more of a message through photography.
A self ventured project with support of friends.
I can't stand the fact that they are destroying mosques and killing innocent civilians. I already started to take shoots of the messages.
"Project Free Gaza"

ps: SAVE GAZA

2009-01-02T09:25:00.002+08:00

I supposed to update yesterday but internet is being a bitch when i wanted to update.
so i shall update today.
As you can see that was one of my best shots from the zoo.
i did soem post processing in photoshop but still yeah i love it.
i shall show you another photo which is mongooses sleeping.
adorable i feel like keeping them as pets.
well when i was at the Hamadryas baboon enclosure
i saw a young one seeping water by the waterfall.
it caught my attention.
well, if the war doesnt stop anywhere in the world. not long later, we will be drinking how the this little dude is doing.

As for the countdown.
Here's the photos of it.
ouh i can say the place is crowded if foreigners and they whistle like no one else business.
i swear its irritating especially when they whistle and cheer rigth beside me.
ouh i would like to thank two lensewomen for helping and shairng a few tips.

2008-12-30T00:53:00.003+08:00

GO GO POWER RANGER!!!!!!
hahaha.
ouh that song.
Nostalgic.
I remembered thetime when i was still a little kiddo.
singing along, doing the actions.
OUH! i even have the megazoid, now with my cousin.
i have the collectables ah!
i even have the costume. =.= guess what i even cry begging dad to bring me to the power rangers ROADSHOWS!!
wth right? i know.
i like Jason (red ranger) and kimberly ( pink ranger)
Jason with his gym equipment and kimberly? CHEW AND BLOW BUBBLE GUMS!! wuahaha.
i remember sia!!
tommy, white/green ranger is actually an underdog.
he only appears liek rarely.
green ranger uses teh flute.
white ranger? the lion head dagger.
ahhhh wth!

alright my top 10 resolution.

1. Fulfils my duty as a son.
2. Continue education with integrity and determination.
3. never let down on my own dreams and expectation.
4. to be with the one i love for like ages.( i swear i didnt stop thinking about you)
5. Get a new camera
6. be independent.
7. New fashion style.
8. get a new handphone
9. get a laptop/notebook with photoshop cs4.
10. get an iTouch.

My major prayers for 2009.

1. let me ace my o levels
2. safe return of my parents
3. letthings be smooth.
4. be a good muslim
5. to love and be loved by her.
6. for god to forgive all my past sins.
7. ask for guidance from Him to let me not repeat my old mistake which i failed to do before.

thats all for now.

ps: GO GO POWER RANGERS! GO GO POWER RANGERS! GO GO POWER RANGERS!! MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS!!!

2008-12-29T15:22:00.003+08:00

Updates on my weekend.
I have nothing interesting to do. Just sitting at home.
I only went out to Apan's BBQ pit.
Quite a pity only a handful of those invited came.
Ouh well, at least the food is nice.
haha.
Sucky cause my camera's battery's charger was left at my aunts and i cant take much photos.
ouh sucky i know.
atleast i manage to make good use of what i have.
i spent my time looking for something interesting to take.
and thats that.
atleast i got a souvenir. a hole in my heel due to the burning ash.
i went home at 945pm.
I missed a bus and i have to wait another 21 to arrive.
ouh well, atleast it wasnt boring.
here's soem photos. yes i look sucky i know

In a mean while.....

Pug Jelly- Come Home Soon.

Its an old song but with meaning. awwwwwww
the songs is at the playlist go find and listen.

It's been two days and I'm missin' you already
Never really thought you could mean
So much in such a little time

Think about the nights when I'm lyin' in your bed
With my chest resting your head
Now that you're gone I'm here to stay

Chorus
I think I'm fallin' down. Down down down
With a bad case of love. Love love love
I think I'm falling for you. You you you
I think, I'm falling in love

Verse 2
When you come back all I wanna do is hold you
Have a blast even though there's nothing to do
Hold you close and look you in the eyes

So just come back and I'll tell you how I feel
Never knew how easy you could steal
My heart I miss you come home soon

(Chorus)

I think, I'm fallin' in love
I think, I'm fallin' in love

Bridge:
Cause I know that you won't be home when I call you
You're in England now, I hope that you'll be home soon
Cause I know that you won't be there when I call you, NOW

(Chorus)

I think, I'm fallin' in love
(slow) I think, I'm fallin' in love

i would sent you a love letter in a bottle and threw it in the sea hoping it will land right by your doorstep.

ps: Come Home Soon

2008-12-28T01:24:00.004+08:00

Ahhh...
Finally a new blog skin.
Nothing much happen lately.
Just financial crisis. I am in need of money to develop photos before the delivery date.
Ouh well, finally i am back at Tampines. How sweet.
I miss my homies. Seriously.
I have a debt to pay too.
damn.
ok so the saturday isnt that bad.
woke up early to follow little sis to her school to buy her school book.
and two "kids" blushes as i watch them do their counting. (cashiers =.=)
why must it be the students who does the work?
sheesh.
ok we went to eat at Uncle's workplace, Hjh Esah Cafe.
Food was alright.
gahx.
We then decided to visit Grandmum at Pasir Ris.
So before we head there, I grab soem Chewy Juniors.
wuahaha Favourite!!
once there i dont know why i must always sleep at the uncomfy sofa.
i sleep so soundly.
gahx.
ouh i love grand!
i love her even more when she alway give kaching!
nah.
ok i miss somebody.
but that somebody doesnt.
how sad.
how i wish that that girl know i am referring to her.
here's a question if you know who you are.
can i love you like how i love you the previous time?
i just cant get you off my mind since ages.
heh.
there's a song for her on my playlist. so yeah.

thats all ya.

ouh yes. some random photos Sakina took for me just now.
gahx.

Ok bye.

Addictions: Chewy Junior & HER.

2008-12-22T16:55:00.003+08:00

Hello people.
Its been time I updated, much had happened.
Ive been hired to be teh photographer for events.
firstly for Beyond Your Style
Then for a dance crew photoshoot
and then for someone's bday party.
i know these people.
ouh well i bought new shoes.
what to do, ada duit, spend it.
i bought a reebok. gahx!
ouh well. imma at my aunts place
so yeah.

My Dope Reebok yaw. =.=

Cheerios people
Till Then.

ps: i miss that girl. Am waiting for September 2009.

2008-12-04T00:54:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah
The skate photo shoot went well.
Day one started smoothly.
Met brian at Somerset skate park.
and started soem warm up shoot.
I met Adam, a new mate, 13.
he is quite good in verts.
went to Tamp back to meet my old homies.
took photos of them skating
day 2 start with a stupid rain.
plan wa sto go orchard and skate down to dhoby ghaut.
but in the end to citylink.
stupid uncle.
we then move to Peninsular
i went to the camera shop while the rest to buy shoes.
had a long convo with old uncle john.
haha
then moved to Capitop Theatre.
i swear the best place to take street skate sia!
ok then move to Padang.
good shoots
then it started raining again and we headed to Esp Library
then moved to esp bridge an dtook another shoot
and i came up with a sleek one.
go my photog blog aye
http://irfaanphotography.blogspot.com/
To seven steps today for shoot.
back to tamp!!
any skaters want photoshoot do approach
10 bucks per session

2008-11-30T21:06:00.002+08:00

30 November

The morning starts quite somber.
i can feel the tension rising.
i dont feel comfortable about it.
Yet i need to be happy for them.
they had been waiting for this one opportunity to go for their haj pilgrimage.
its quite saddening.
im scared about my dream becoming true.
i am still praying its not.
in the morning mum and dad called us into the room.
he said.
" ayah pesan krg smua jgn tgl2 kan solat"
" ayah pesan krg jgn gaduh2 jaga diri baik2, abg jaga adik, adik dgr kata abg"
" klau mama dengan ayah takde pergi ke wak (aunt)"
" apa2 jadi igt kepada allah"
" klau ayah ngan mama tak balik, harta biar diberikan jgn lokek."

that line really put me into tears.
its becoming clear but im not gg to believe that its gg to happen. i wont let it.
no!
sighs.

moving on. they supposed to be at Row 6 but we alighted at Gate 6.
i swear it was cramped.
mum side was at row 10 while dad side was waiting at row 6.
so i had to walk all the way against the tide of peopel to find them.
oh i saw u. =)
peace.
the farewell was quite bitter.
i tried to stay strong.
i musnt let Sakina break down because i broke down.
so i suggested we all go to expo.
before that we went home to rest.
we couldnt sleep last night.
my room was cramped!
so we caught a few blinks
and we went out at 3.45pm.
i can say it was teh first cousins ONLY outing.
super fun.
we went to John Little sale.
ouh i tell you, the moment i stepped into it.
i ran to Esprit corner.
i got an eye on one and i grabbed it.
i shall say my brother and I can shop well.
well only when it comes to sale we grabbed it.
haha.
i bought two shirt and 3 pieces of plain white tees
i think i saw somebody at expo.
hmmm.
ok can i complain?
SINTEX WAS SUCKY.
when i came atthe first day it wasnt so cramp.
and today?!
fuck!
damn cramped and smelly!
indians!
RICH INDIANS!!
woah!
k so after that we all went to Eastpoint and ate our dinner.
ouh i tell you super nice!
ouh cutie!!!!
shhh.
ok i shall post pictures later.
toodles

2008-11-28T23:10:00.002+08:00

Love.
What is love?
Isnt it all about caring for one another?
To be faithful to one. Mean every word that u say to your partner?
Love supposed to be pure and not to hurt.
Love is soemthing one need to trust.
Holding on so things will go smoothly.
But all hopes are gone.
I'll have to lay my arms.
I know there isnt any other way.
no more.
disappointment just turning into some depressed state.
No. I musnt let myself down.
And i really thought time can be the solution.
everyone said it.
Time and space.
looks like time and space turned their back on me.
i swear i was trying but its like trying to penetrate a thousand years walk thick steel wall.
i am out of the dictionary.
shaloms.
good luck.

2008-11-28T20:31:00.002+08:00

Finally I got my D40 charger back. I thought it was lost. It was with Fikri all the time. Thanks dude! haha
Okay i have this craving for money now. Reason being that i need to buy new shoes, hoodies, cap and hat, straighten hair, buy lenses and laptop.
Currently I am planning on what to shoot for my documentary.
i am documenting some street skaters and bikers.
Its all about the life of a skater and biker.
it will be made into a book.
Not exactly a book but a portfolio.
I need to rent a fisheye lens and borrow external flash from a friend.
I am excited about this project of my own.
it will be taken for about 2 weeks.
thats all.
Parents will be going for their Haj pilgrims this Sunday.
how much i will miss them.
only a few understand how i feel.
guess i need to hang out more to relieve the stress aye?
haha more assignment will come up.
especially the TP rawkers events.
Ouh how much i cant wait for TP open house.
I am so gg for the Jam n Hop for teh public
haha!
yessuh!
i miss those peeps.
lol
ps: to whom it may concern. only if you are reading this lah.
maybe your gut feeling is right.=D

2008-11-25T19:15:00.002+08:00

i dotn know what to say abt life now.
bored, and so monotonous.
i have ntg to do.
still finding a job.
and i feel so damn lonely now.
seriously.
one word to describe how i feel?
suffer.
much worse than before.
yes i hide all of it when im outside with friends
but inside.
its like city of chaos.

2008-11-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

TP rakws my sock !
haha.
I had one damn great fun with them.
we are so damn close now haha.
in the day we went out for an outing.
to sentosa.
i have ntg much to say but hell yeah it was fun. haha.
shall update soon.
toodles

ps: yes i do miss her every night.

2008-11-15T14:53:00.003+08:00

PROM NIGHT
14 November 2008
The night where every body dressed up their best.
It was the night where i felt i am at my best.
I want to change my fashion sense.
eventhough i couldnt straighten my hair nor colour it.
yet i still feel im in the limelight eventhough im not.
The day before I was "sick". Most of my friends knew it.
they were there.
They were there to help me. Hold me down to the bed.
They were there to help me revive back into the conscious world.
Now they told me they learnt their lessons.
I am quite depressed too. why must all teh bad things happen to me?
it keeps me away from getting all my hopes.
yet i must be optimistic.
eventhough i still love her deeply,
i must have to move on. make it weeks, months or even years.
i have to accept the truth that i will never be back with her.
I couldnt blame anyone its just fate. that "love" just fade away from her.
my friends. I thank you guys for being there for me especially Fikri, for being there to hold me until the place. Hadi for sacrificing your own safety for mine.
so now im moving on.

Friday morning, i am came back to school for the grad ceremony.
my friends were shocked to see me there. they came asking me hwo i was and telling me how they regret going to the swamp and taking pictures of "IT".
Then i saw this girl.
This chinese girl. for a long time ive been having crushes on her. heh.
most of them knew i had a crush on this chinese girl but do not know who she was.
ouh well.
i saw her. she was prettier. duh, appearance in sch uni and dress are diff.
haha.
when i reached the prom.
teh first thing i want to find was that girl.
but i didnt see her.
lol
so i sat with my friends and start snapping photos.
it was fun. the food was of a high class.
its nice.
my table was the greediest.
4 plates of every single dish.
ok then tiem to dance yet no one dance except for one guy.
he has soem mental problem.
ok when i wanted to go home.
then i saw her.
she was GORGEOUS!
i told haziq and salleh for comments.
they gave a thumbs up.
i wanted totake photo withher but i was just too shy to ask.
you know, i have phobias of pretty girls.
i regretted not asking haha.
ok now for the photos.

My aim is to make you proud but guess you're not.
note to self: lose that tummy faan. you;re look fine and i'll be liek a magnet.
cut hair soon.
okay.
TOODLES

2008-11-05T13:54:00.003+08:00

Finally , freedom.
No more sitting in the exam hall for long hours.
i am now done with revising.
i just want to go out now.
i have no other plans.
since all plans had to be cancelled due to one fateful event.
i wouldn't want to elaborate on it.
all i know i hurt mum after that.
and i thank her for finally be there for me.
thank you mama.
and thanks to all my friends who tried to cheer me up the whole night even until today.
don't worry guys, i will find a way to pull myself together.
now my hopes are in my two cameras.
mum going to sponsor me to classes and courses.
wish i hope so.
ouh well.
lets browse through the contact list and ask if they are going out or not.
gym and then swim
or
photo hunt?

2008-11-02T13:02:00.002+08:00

I am just a disappointment right?
im a jerk.
a dick.
an idiot.
what can i say.
no one will be there for me.
imjust tired of repeating the same scenes.
for years im going through it.
and it gets harder and harder.
you dont understand dont you?
who am i to look for when im in need?
if im your fall back like what you said when there is a problem you go to me.
but if i have a problem and go to you.
you have something more important and you dont like me going to you.
so who am i suppose to fall on?
no one?
isnt it at the wrong time?
blame who for making me in this dilemma at the wrong time?
me?
fine.
i'll take all the blames.
i'll keep and take all the disappointment away.
i just a guy nothing special.
im just a guy who is just seems to be labelled as a bf right?
so the job of a bf is be there for his gf only?
just her happiness?
compromising his own?
so when is my time?
so when is my turn to get that attention?
i just have no one else to turn to right now.
and when i just thought you might be one who could hear me it turns out the other.
im back to square one.
i feel nothing special.
nothing in me.
not anymore.
i cant think of a time when i really made you happy.
all i give is just pain, hurt and disappointment.
so isnt that a reason for you to stay away from me?
im falling back.
back to where we start.
im inferior compared to your friends.
i just have to accept the fact that i am just a normal guy.
i wont get any special attention.
a guy who would be separated due to segregation of friends.
i could not expect more that just questions of how i am doing.
10 months.
im not going to follow the reset button.
unless i feel special in myself and in this relationship.
if there isnt any proves. then i shall stay put doing my own stuff and not even bother about anything.
yet i wont be the first one to say.
i still can cling on.
still preparation is needed.
caused you said it, you can say it anytime if you thing its time.
if you said it, i wont be fighting back.
cause its not me.
i only said i wil fight back to get you if i did something wrong
which i am obvious to it.
if you ever said it don;t look back.
you'll will only see an ugly dick like creature.
believe me.
that creature will only remind you of the pain not nostalgia.

2008-10-27T01:12:00.003+08:00

o level is fine
only im dreading maths

im depressed now
for some matter that is.
now i am just missing baby.
i kept looking at our photos.
how i miss last time.
now when i look at teh photos.
i feel like im lovin her more.
only what makes me sad is, the time to be with her.
i really miss her.
i swear i miss her.
sighs.

those halcyon days. sighs i miss her. ALOT

2008-10-15T15:20:00.000+08:00

I made my first facebook acct!
yay! =.=
and its for photography purposes.
gahx

2008-10-15T12:10:00.003+08:00

ONE MORE DAY!

in 22-23 hours more I will be in the Science Lab for the SPA exams
or known as Science Practical Assessment.
Every night I would sit in front of my damn desk and study.
or would just go down to the void deck and study with fellow friends.
Its a routine now. At midnight at about 1am I would then revise again what i've learnt and then lights out at 2am.
thats my cycle now.

So now is the final sprint.
Physics tonight!
Goodluck to you guys aye?
For those who already finished their exams.
Enjoy your damn holidays while we suffer.
haha.

Note to self: go to Popular later to buy stationery. Must get ( French Curve Ruler, mechanical pencil, pencil lead. Black ball pen. and long ruler. )

2008-10-14T23:46:00.002+08:00

As promised, the full moon.
Tried with different exposure and post processing.
At 6pm, I went down for a break. Walk around my neighbourhood.
And I suddenly realise, i was documenting Tampines.
Photos I took will be uploaded at
www.irfaanphotography.blogspot.com
Do visit.

I think im improving tremendously in Chemistry.

2008-10-14T15:49:00.002+08:00

2 More Fucken Days.

Sitting at home alone from 1030 to 2pm.
At home watching TV while studying.
Its been science all the way!
and i think im getting the hang of it.
When boredom strikes.
Pick someoen random from contact list and open a conversation.
so bored bodoh.
anyway.
thanks to the guys and girls who tried to cheer me up aye!
appreciate lots.
okay who wants to be my SS buddy for now?

2008-10-14T12:34:00.002+08:00

Remember this tree.
The tree that gave me the sweetest memories.
Thats the only icon I could remember.
Revisiting.

Catch the full moon today!
Pictures for tonight moon will be uploaded as soon as possible.

That Superman Belt and my Super Best Friend, Nikon DSLR D40.
Creds: Fakhrul Fotography

2008-10-13T22:15:00.001+08:00

Another song i got hooked to
Pieces don't fit anymore by James Morrison
Thanks to HZQ

I've been twisting and turning, in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain, why it's not enough
So I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore

You pulled me under, I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess, that's breaking my skin
Well I hide all the bruises, I hide all the damage that's done
But I'll show how I'm feelin, until all the feeling has gone

Mmm,
Well I can't explain, why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
Well it's time to surrender
It's too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore

Mmm,
Oh don't misunderstand, how i feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why, I don't know why
Why I can't explain, why it's not enough
I gave it all to you and if you leave me now
Just leave me now it's the better thing to do
Well it's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore

2008-10-13T21:06:00.002+08:00

3 more days to O level.
and informations are coming back.
yet its a very pressurising moment.
i dont give a damn about anything now.
and now im quite prepared.

Thanks Fikri for the support and being my supervisor.
You are my fall back in studies.
Now I know my vectors.
Chemistry.
Online revising with online Chemistry pal, Fira.
and words of encouragement from Mardina.
Thanks guys.

Tomorrow would be Physics and night time chemistry.
On the Thursday night back to english and maths.
Friday would be humanities.
Saturday would be maths
Sunday woudl be revising Chem
And so on and so forth.

are you guys prepared yet?
To Victory We Fight.

$539 in cash.
More than enough to get the second hand D70s body.
Just stress on which to choose.
Its a good deal.
Damn it.

Ouh tomorrow is a full moon.
Can't wait.
And i got a clear picture of the moon.
Just lazy to post it up here.
ouh well.

Goodluck to you guys taking the O level examination!

2008-10-13T14:29:00.003+08:00

Heard it MTV and I instantly got hook to it.
well it was the lyrics though that make me hook to it.
read and listen.
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

2008-10-10T18:48:00.001+08:00

2008-10-10T18:07:00.003+08:00

*forced to update*

honestly, i am seriously so lethargic now. i feel like sleeping on my bed. Only grandma is sleeping on it. grr.
Good news is i got my money to buy my D70s!just nice 490! wuahahaha!
ouh well, today is quite dull. At 10 i was awaken by mum's constant nagging. Then i had to go to the market alone to buy groceries. Then to Istanbul to buy breakfast for Buyot.
There wasn't any food so i decided to cook. Daging Kicap Pedas Tiga rasa. My original recipe. Again its PERFECTO. Guaranteed safe! Im so PROUD of myself that I CAN STILL REMEMBER my recipe and KNOW HOW TO COOK. Im in love with it. I love my cookings wuahaha.
Buyot then talked about her granddaughters of my age. I didn't know what to talk about and i just nodded my head and asked a few questions. Then back to the computer. Burned the hari raya photos to the CD and sold it to Ismail. 5 bucks!! Thanks and nice doing business with you.

On the wednesday, we went made our move to woodlands at 3. i swear it was far. Then we made our move back to bedok at 530. Surprisingly it was my second time i was late for the whole year. I went home at 1 am. Money collected that day, 32.
Yesterday was the second day. My house was the first. We onlymade rounds in tampines and then to pasir ris. 1100 we are out and i mad my journey back home. day collected 23.

i feel lost. I need more. Its feels like i need that "drug". I need it badly. My hands feel so light. My breathe is slow. my heart beats so fast, it can stop anytime. Its feels like im missing part of me. Crazy thoughts haunt my mind. I need "it" badly. I miss my baby. I miss my "wife". I miss my "sister". I miss my "BOSS" i miss her hugs. I miss her kiss. I miss her whispers. Ouh i miss everything associated with her. No not her friends. just her. yet i feel guilty. for how i am now. I feel so dumb when i think about it. ouh how stupid i feel. she;s not happy, thats kind of disappointing. the thought of hers? wow that kind of hurts. seriously, will we keep standing? or we will fall? will a gush of wind destroy it all?
im no three little piglet who could built a house. im just that prince charming that couldnt fight at all. ouh how am i suppose to save her from that "MONSTER".
I feel so helpless i dotn know what to do at all. She said "all you could do is just say words but you did nothing at all." Is it loose words that i said? No i am sure. Its just so hard to execute it. I admit im quite scared. Risks? I wont want to compromise. get what i mean? im sorry girl if im of a lesser helper. I just couldn't know what kind of solutions you want. i tried to read you. being an observant. i feel that i failed to understand you. i felt that i never did. the thought of it, it really hurts. it can just crumble my own fragile being. It looks i gave you only trouble and hurt you but girl, i never meant to. I love you too much. Im obsessed with you. Please leave that thought, the one about leaving. I can't bear losing you. somehow or rather, you already become part of me. i know, its quite disappointing but you already are.
Whatever i do or say, i still love you. and i feel guilty to be a bad boyfriend.
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU GIRL.

I DO!

ps: i wonder who she would want to make babies with. =\
i feel like a only a date.

2008-10-02T13:01:00.002+08:00

1 Syawal.
The day everyone anticipated. The day where all the family members come together.
A day where emotions are mixed. Asking for forgiveness from the people they did wrong at. Well I did my part already. Only yesterday was boring lah. 4 houses only rather than 8 house. I collected $194 only. still little to me. i need the money to get my new camera first. ouh well. patience. ok now the photos of myself with my family members and relatives.

2008-09-30T23:24:00.002+08:00

Time flies by so fast.
It feels like yesterday that we started Ramadhan.
Now, its already Syawal.
A festive moment.
The moments of success.
Here I would like to wish every Muslims in the world especially my friends (of course you too baby)
a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
Maaf Zahir Batin.
I hope you guys would forgive me of all my wrong doings to you guys.

The whole month had been great.
My birthday happens to be on the 12th day. (go figure)
A lot of dramatic events happened.
Night classes, and great outings with friends.
Also the F1 Night race.
Wow, a lot of happenings.

As for the preps for hari raya, its no big deal.
we finished our matters in a short 2 days.
We bought our new Baju Melayu and Baju kurung early.
and only yesterday we started our deco.
Starting with the curtains followed by the changing of bed sheets.
Then came along the cookies and cakes.
Only today we did our spring cleaning.
Mopping, vacuuming, wiping of windows and mirrors, the carpets
food, cleaning of rooms, getting rid of unwanted goods.
Thats all i could say.

To baby,
baby, i know i did alot of things to make you feel hurt. i am very poor in explaining but baby, you mean alot to me. I am afraid of losing you. You mean so much to me. Here I am trying to win your heart over and over again. i really want to be with you. Only you. Baby, let me take this opportunity to say that i am sorry for what i've done to you. even if its on purpose or accidentally forgive me. I still love you. No matter what i still do. Selamat Hari Raya b. I love you. I will always do.
With Love.

2008-09-29T00:03:00.004+08:00

It hurts.
I cant forget abt it.
I cant sleep.
It hurts too much.
am i not up to ur standard?
i feel like i am going to be ditched anytime.
i cant voice out anything now,.
everything is blocked.
2 days to raya.
and i dont think i'll have much fun either.
the incident just affected me so much.
it created an impact
a crater in my heart
but no one care to heal it.
am i going to be left alone?
is she tired of me already?
like the others did?
am i going to be left for some one else hotter, smarter and of her interest?
sighs.
it hurts
really really hurts
i never felt so betrayed.
the truth had been revealed.
and misery wants me to be its companion.
i hope she's happy to see me in this state.
sighs.
this is so unexpected.
in the name of allah, i swear that i will not live in a lie. A lie that hurts so much. I swear in His name that he/she will be brave enough to step forward and say it straight to my face. i swear in His name that I deserve to be trusted bcuz what ive said is the truth. I swear in His name that it is my nature to react such ways. I swear in His name that I will be affected all ways if been betrayed by someone whom i trust.
Amin Ya Rabalalamin.

girl, am i really ur boyfirend?
or am i just a friend now?
everything just make me doubt and assume now.
the truth u said make me like this.
there is no one to be blame right.
it looks like the fingers pointing back at me.
cuz i cause u to be like this.
and i deserve it right.
i dont know why it happened.
blame me. say that u r the victim of this.
say to others that i am the one who doesnt love u.
where the fact is u r the one who doesnt want to believe me that i do love u.
u want to put the past into this.
u told me once that the past can harm but u urself is making that mistake.
or is it, i am not what u want? im nt a skater anymore, im not a drummer anymore.
ive drop it all.
im a photographer by passion now.
i dont think u r proud of it.
you know your mistakes now.
if u blame me for starting it, look again.
it hurts so much .
i am going to pause all my actions to prove to u that i really love u.
now, it is your turn girl.
you have yet to prove to me.
NOTHING IS PERFECT.
this is the only way to make me believe u that u really love me now.
dotn ever use the "if you love me you dont do this to me" bait.
if u noticed everytime u said it i stopped.
u want the pleasure part but u dont want to go through the painful part.
now get the feeling of it.
its time u gain back my trust.
if you dont, i assume that im not important to u like u said i am.
im making stuff easy now.
dont waste anymore time.
ouh or is it just that u want my 2 months of waiting to be a bitter one?
whatever it is.
u'll have to do it no matter what if u want to save this relationship of ours.

I LOVE YOU BUT WOULD YOU EVER BELIEVE ME IF I SAY I DO?

ps: PMS is not an excuse. You could have controlled it.

2008-09-22T22:59:00.002+08:00

A few more weeks and then O level will commence.
It is fast, i know. It does not matter. I have covered most of my forte subjects.
I already aimed for science, humanities, malay and poa. I must not dawdle now i know but i have my way of studying. I know how to balance my time very well. I mean it VERY well. I am a future-minded person. I plan way before i execute. It is just me.
I might look that i am still slacking and not bothering that the fact that the major exams are near.
I SWEAR I AM PRESSURIZE ALREADY!
i feel pressurise already. I need time to relax. Everyone says there is not much time to relax now. I could not do it. I need my time to relax and chill. Behind the curtains, i had been revising hard. Even my mother did know. All she did was nag whenever i chat with anyone. That is why i want to release my negative ions in my body.
i need to relax. I need to laugh but it will then be rare now. I feel naked if i dont laugh for every hour. I will start to feel depressed/contained. That had always been my problem. Then that is when my traumatised past came in.

' Failed relationship, make me more cautious of my current relationship. I trust too much that it failed me. I gave too much freedom until it got abused. I got lied when i believe they were only friends. That is the reason why i am like this.
Bad influence.My rebellious times. The family dilemma. The near suicide experience. The near murder incidents. The family arguements. The cursed that once mum upon me. Those cane marks ive got for being home late. Only the counselling sessions changed me. It make me realise how important life is. How i need to lead my life and not others. yet i think for others. Because I have planted my own principles. TO SERVE OTHERS BEFORE SELF. SACRIFICE SELF FOR THE GOOD OF PEOPLE. TO LOOK FORWARD AND NEVER LOOK BACK. LIFE IS LEAD BY MISTAKES LEARNT AND CHANGES. CHARITY BEFORE SELF DESIRE/
go figure what i meant.
Traumatised moments of being beaten up. Those gruelling moments are still fresh. It make me who i am. Judging those matreps and ITE dudes. NOTHING can change me for that. I have a deep grudge on them. The people who beat the crap out of me. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU GUYS. for you guys, i have become like this. I am making people suffer my losses. You guys had make me harder to trust others!'

Mum had been nagging and nagging. every few minutes she would nag and nag. I am sick of it. She would ask who i hang around with and i wouldnt answer. She will ask she got the rights to ask and i will say back " you have the rights but yet you have to respect my decision to answer it or just say you are intruding my privacy"
she said i am being disrespectful and i retaliate saying "i am still holding to the contract we agreed. u said u will try and understand me"
she then mentioned that im being rude to answer back and i replied saying i got it from dad and those mumbling complaints from her.
and she kept quite and then kept shouting at me to revise when i was revising.
85% theory is in my head already.
when the date 6 October comes. it is bakc to school eventhough its a school holiday for study break. i rather be uncontactable rather than waiting to meet.

i am running out of cash.
i want my pictures at Super Import Night.

2008-09-20T11:37:00.002+08:00

To baby,
Pressured already?
so soon? Relaxs its just a few more weeks and then a month on HELL
and it will be over.
Like ive said do not over push yourself.
You will have to carry the heavy stone over your head or worse the world.
Ive been there done that situation before and i am going through it again.
It is quite easy to handle actually. It is how you study. If you study and you feel kind of uneasy and stress. That is not the right way. Find a way that makes you feel comfortable and you can understand easily also adding that you can still keep it fresh in your head. As for me you know that im better in writing to just memorise it.
Find a way. Just do not over push. Do not knock your head after you study. It will defeat the purpose of you studying for the last past hours. Be patient.
Soon. It will be over in no time.

2008-09-19T21:34:00.002+08:00

The last day for this week.
Finally one week down for school. I swear it was one exhausting week indeed. Today marks the last day of going to school late. I could not imagine how school would be next week. I am going to be super exhausted.
Night classes/evening classes every day. Taking up 3-4hours of our time. School ends at 205pm and it continues at either 230pm/4pm or 6pm. Latest would end at 9pm.
So imagine how tiring it could be. I could concentrate that much if i am exhausted from the days work. With mum nagging for me to continue studying I would just off the lights. I couldn't cramp anymore information for the day. Every one knows if I am tired, i get very unpredictable. Many had been my victim. Luckily, I finished one assignment at home. That saved my time. I went back to school and completed my composition and I handed in. I manage to reach home at 7pm sharp.
Nasi Ambeng was served for break fast. I was only thirsty so i drank lots of water.
My side of the rice had sambal belacan and i don't even noticed it. I ate it and i started sweating. I almost cried because of the spiciness. I managed to finish it off.
Mum bought me the takoyaki balls. My favourite! so i ate just 3. I couldnt fit in any more food. After solat, I totally tapped out. I lay down on the bed and my lights went off until mum woke me up telling me to go Terawih. I went half-heartedly. I almost slept there. i felt that i was half conscious. Like i was in Timbaktu. I just could not take it.
Can I not go to school next week?
I am super exhausted.
Mum is starting to be a pest. I said i want to buka luar with friends, she went, " krg o level pun masih nak keluar!?" i went "ma, even fikri wants to follow"
im going because majority are going.
Mum doesnt see that I am exhausted for the week.
She wants me to press on and NEVER stop.
I have my way of studying.

2008-09-14T11:55:00.004+08:00

sorry for the delay.
I supposed to update last friday on my big day.

Here's the update.

During pre dawn meal, Mum was the first to wish me followed by Sakina. Well that is good enough. I went to school a little later since we are allowed to come at 730. Bhairave, the class chairperson was the first to wish followed by the rest. Yet some still forgot it was my birthday but it is no big deal. The day went on as per normal. Then the 3 3G girls, my friends from interact club, wished me. Then after prayers, I got the most humiliating moment. I found out my pant tore. =.=
Ouh well I have a face of steel now.
Baby wanted to meet me that day so i met her under my block. We talked as per normal. Did a little revision. Then she gave me two wrapped boxes. God knows what it was. There was a card in it. So i read it. Go figure what happened after that. =)
I had night class that day so I brought it to school. Unwrapped it in class. Superman Belt and 2 Giordana polo. Red and pink. I gave my pink to lil sis since it TOTALLY doesnt fit me. I came back quite late that day. When i was back home. I ate the lamb chop that mum prepared for break fast.
ps: Bby never took free bubur. =.= " free eh"
And yesterday I went to Bussorah street with mum. Took the opportunity to take some photos. Oh yes before i go on, i went back to school in the morning to study. Okay so we went to Golden Landmark hotel the one with the shops area. I bought new smart shoes and then also my pair of baju melayu. Its brown though. since every one is going to wear brown might as well get a brown too. Then mama heard there is this
"good" place to buy food at Woodlands. Pasar malam dey. Grandma wanted to follow so we had to pick her up. I swear it was irritating. We bought food, bunch of it. Okonami, takoyaki, otah-otah, wadeh and etc. Before we went off we went around causeway. I swear it have all the equipment i wanted. Ouh i saw an actress, Aaron Aziz wife? Forgot her name, with her daughter. Cute little girl indeed. when to aunt's house for break fast. Hang around playing psp and computer games. There isn't much to do. ouh well, sleeping was the better thing to do. That is all for the updates.
I will be going to my paternal grandmum's house later for break fast. I wonder who will be there and what we will eat. hmmm.
baby, call me ok? I'll be bored if you do not call. -.- ILY.
Have you wrote it in the paper? YOU BETTER REMEMBER IT!!

take care.

2008-09-11T21:48:00.003+08:00

September 11, 2008.
7 years after the War on America started.
Commemoration of the 9/11 attacks where thousands of people died.
Bringing down old hopes and building up the new.
Garlands of flowers placed at the site.
Families and friends mourn for the dead.
For victims, their heart will be torn apart when the date 9/11 comes.
The have escaped the 9/11 tragedy.
And for today, stand and salute to the heroes that risk their lives to save others.
RIP soldiers of peace.

Thursday.
A day before the big day. I wasted no time today. I used every minute to complete all the given assignments and move on to revisions. Sciences are the subject for Thursday.
So all the given assignments for the evening class today were completed before time. So I spent most of the time slacking and just helping others who had enquiries.
After school, Asyiqin, sec 3G kid from my CCA came to my class. She called for me just to wish me a happy advanced birthday. All i could say is just a thank you. I had this feeling that this year's will be the same like the previous years. A bad event would always turn up just before my day.
Yet, i would once in awhile gaze out of the window thinking about many things. Doubts, truths and many more. The event that took place last night is still fresh. Every single word could be clearly heard of as if there was a recorder placed beside my ear. It hurts too much. Too much to bear the truth.
Its like a game of chess. You have to make the right move for every single step. My situation is when my king is trapped. There is a way to escape but I just couldn't figure it out. Easy said, I don't know what to do next. I have no plans, nothing.
I don't dare risk doing another "bright" ideas of mine. I tend to cock it up. Call me a pussy for my pusillanimous act. I do not want to risk any thing. Never again I would help anyone. Starting from now, I shall barred myself from even giving advices to people who could not accept any help.
After evening class, Haziq and his dudes went to That Mini Cafe to get some fuel. I tagged along. I just bought a fish burger with fries and strawberry snowshake. Since Bro bought Fried Quail I just want to save the a few space of my tummy for it. It was fucking nice. I felt like I was a predator easy a small prey. Biting, grinding then swallowing for just a few bites.
After the night prayers, I went to the barber and have my hair cut. I fucking don't care how i look. All i care is that it is short enough to be suitable in school. That is all. As for tomorrow, after prayers, I shall change my clothes, bring my books along and head for the spot. I shall spent my time there until 6pm. I shall tag anyone who ask me out. I won't ask anything. I am used to getting nothing for my day. If there is not a plan then I shall just sit at that designated spot. Sitting, staring at the plateau. Watch the birds fly gracefully. Look at the clouds forming abstract shapes. Figuring out what it is and just laugh all by myself. That is how i celebrate my birthday every year.
This is how my life is now. I shall now expect lowly of my future expectations.
Take care.

ps: i remembered, an ex of mine share the same birthday. so Happy Birthday.(only if she still knows me)

2008-09-10T23:10:00.002+08:00

Hate me.
Hate me for everything I did.
Forget it, forget about things Ive done and said.
Dont say it, if you don't mean it.
Dont mention it, if you think you're the queen of the world.
Dont call out my name, cause im the cause of your pain.
dont remember me, cause i am someone less superior.
Every actions I did, is a pest to the ears.
i am no help to you.
is this a call for the return of the red note?
is this what you called fate?
i am nothing to you now?
"i dont care about anyone, i only care for myself"
"selfishness" is what you said.
ive been trying hard to defy it.
It is true then, every little help, would be unheard.
it will be treated like a nag, pesty as you say.
so now, am i being a pest in your life?
is this the surprise present i am getting for my birthday?
Thank You.
You've made my special day very unpleasant. Appreciate it alot.
the 8 months?
i dotn know.
" If we are meant to be, we'd last. Don't fret. =)"
am i suppose to believe this line now?
am i suppose to still hold the believe that we could last ?
or is it fading?

this paragraphs

Thank you Baby for listening to me wailing and complaining of my problems and reminding me that others may have the same problems as me or maybe much worst. I may be a bitch but i'm not lying when i say that sometimes i feel you're the closest person around me who bothers to listen. Maybe its because you've experienced much more than me or maybe because when you say you understood how i exactly feel, i know you were not just saying it to make me feel better but indirectly telling me that you've been in that situation and readily helping me get through it. I know you're just dubbed as a boyfriend, someone who is not related by blood, where such a relationship can be broken but today, i see that you're willing to be more than just a boyfriend. You're my brother, sister (I like bitching and gossiping with you =D), mother and best friend. Just don't be Dad. One is more than enough. You know what i mean. And i love the way you try to cheer me up. Maybe not with money ( like how some of the girls boyfriends do =,= ) but your humor. It never fails to bring a smile ( although not perfect but at least i tried ) to my face.

I love you.

P.S I really am hoping that this year's gonna be the last year you're gonna return home empty-handed on your birthday. =)) Sorry

What am i suppose to do? It seems im the total opposite now.

YES, YOU ARE STUBBORN. YOU ARE SELF CENTERED. YES YOU NEVER CARE FOR ANYONE. ALL YOU CARE IS YOUR OWN PERSONAL GAIN. WHAT YOU WANT IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO GET. AND NOW, YOUR DARK SPOT IN YOUR HEART, HAD LANDED US IN THIS SITUATION.

lets face it, I AM NOT WHO YOU WANT.
ISNT THAT THE FACT? You are showing me that I AM NOT THE ONE.
I CAN NEVER MAKE YOU HAPPY. I AM YOUR SOURCE OF PAIN.
Now that you hate me for being such a pain in the ass.
why cant you say, that all these while, you didnt mean those (i love you)s

And now, a day very special to me. Felt like it just went down the drain. My wish of getting a memorable monthsary and birthday looks like its fading. Fading fast. A day that i want to celebrate with my love one. To whisper to her ears how much i love and treasure her. Would it now be just a fantasy? Will it ever be a reality?
I dont know.
All I am sure, I will be celebrating my birthday with sorrow. I shall just sit at the block that we usually sat at. I shall sing to myself a birthday song and buy myself a present like i usually do every year. That is how I have been celebrating my birthdays. Never, never in my life, anyone would celebrate my birthday. And I have been hoping and praying that this year would be different. A much happier one. A much memorable. Now, i can only doubt of having it to be fulfilled.

Since there wouldnt be any cakes to blow the candle, i can just jolly well reveal my wish.
My wish had always been about baby. I wished that baby could lead a normal happy life with no interference. I wished that baby could ace her O levels. Lastly I wished that we have a nice and smooth relationship.

Yesterday night, i had a pleasant dream. A dream which baby was involved in. I met a freak accident and baby had always been by myside. It happens during a major event which i had to attend to. I was depressed caused i missed that last opportunity. Baby had been my source of inspiration. Asking me to never give up hope. Telling me to do what i used to preach which eventually lead me back to the path. It lead me to a successful life.
What does my dream means? Is it good or bad?
I dont know. Lets pray that it would be good.
this will be the second last post before i stop blogging.
i see no use of blogging now.
The last updates will be on my birthday.
and that is it.
wait for a few months till the next post arrive.
After my birthday. There would not be any updates on my life.
It will be left secretive. No one should know of my personal problems.
Try ringing? i dont think i would alway be in possession of my phone then.
thats is all i can say.

take care.

2008-09-10T15:50:00.002+08:00

Sakina is now at Aunt's place.
I am now alone at home basically reading worksheets which i need to finish up. It is mother tongue. Since I couldnt attend cause mum and dad went to Tekong for Bro's POP. He will be home for another a week and a half. Meaning I want to borrow his camera!
The assignments given are read up the cerpen and then do the descriptive writing on describing an event i volunteered that bring good.

today seems like a long day but it isnt.
School starts at 8 but thing is we supposed to be at school at 750am. Meaning, i could wake up at 7am. Great ehs? I got caught for my hair and I need to cut my fringe. I wont be doing so maybe a little trim just above my eye or just comb my hair like last time. Those Elvis hairstyles. Class is kind of boring today. Salleh and I kinda crap around thinking of wild imaginative ideas like Remote control f-15 planes and stratotanker so the plane could perform air to air refuelling. Its kind of cool and we can control our planes at home because a camera will be planted at the cockpit of the remote control planes. Lame but its kinda cool.

Plan today is to meet up my dudes at Ghufran for iftar. We going to meet up with the sec 4 students. So it will be more fun and exciting! Thats all that I can say about today. Its dull.

4bia is now the Hot topic in class.

Ps: 2 more days

2008-09-09T22:02:00.003+08:00

To baby

Don't break down now. It will bring nothing beneficial. Pull yourself together. This is the preliminary stage of the examination. You still have this one Golden chance to take. I knew how you prepared for your examinations. Perhaps your kind of method went wrong during the process. Sitting in the examination hall is VERY pressurising. Don't let the thinking of HARD and competition pull you down. Put aside your competitors and start planning a strategy. Remember do not break down for every failure. Replan your strategy and improve on it. There is on major matter that is really pulling you down. EXPECTATIONS. Do not let the words haunt you. It is making your situation more worse. You will feel demotivated and feel that there is no hope. There is always hope and new chances. Open up, see the chances, grab it.

Secondly have a healthy competition. Healthy competition does not consist of envy and over confidence. Ask when in doubts. Work with different kinds of people. Ask those who knows the topic the best. Don't be too proud if you know it. Help others too if they are weak just do not blow off if they do not understand. You will find teaching the better method of understanding. Try it, experiment it. I assure you it is the BEST method. Do not just sit with the common people you studied always. Go find the best people. Being the best is not the best way but it is a good way to push you further. Being recognize for having the best results is just for a moment of time and just to prove others wrong. Be humble and kind. Try to work with those higher of you. You will realise the way they revise. I shall share one of the top N level student who happens to be my classmate. He will participate in lessons, teach others if people ever asked, read and memorise notes during free periods and doing TYS in school and asking questions if he has any enquiries. He got the lowest l1r2 and for prelim this year he still maintains his l1r4 which is lower than 14. Every subject he aces it. He really ace it.

As for the people you said did not studied, do not assume. They might be a smoker, a trouble-maker , take drugs but they do know how to study EFFECTIVELY. My friend, Hadi is a smoker and he is very good in studies. Every fortnight I would join him and study with him. We joke around very much but went home with loads in our brain. We doesnt put pressure on ourselves cause we know the pressure only offset the information that went in and it only tires our brain. Notice if we are pressurize we tend to sleep? Keep yourself entertain so your brain works effectively. Joke around.
That is why i need entertainment so I won't be pressurise too much and can still work at the same time. That is why every feud we have, i try to inject humour in it. It does prove that it loosen up the tense moments, agreed?

Baby, just don't burden yourself with those haunting remarks. Do not over work. Do not pressurise yourself. be humble. Study with others. Make a strategy. Learn form mistakes. Do not think low of others. Ask if you have enquiries. Bear with the teachers for this period of time. Hold up your comments or critics. Do not blow off if the teachers blame you for things you do not do. Remember, respect. I ensure you, you will do great in O's. You will get to the institute you want to be in. If it is still not good enough. It is okay. It is NOT the end of the world yet. There is still chances you can retake it. DO NOT SUICIDE! I REPEAT DO NOT SUICIDE!! There are many other opportunity you can take. Grab your chances. Remember that well. Last words before I end off. Always be happy of what you are doing. The world would be at your fingertips if you do. Try it. It works. I tried it before.

I love you baby. I do. =)

ps: 3 more days to the Big Day.
I grow up very fast!

2008-09-09T14:46:00.002+08:00

second day of school and i am getting to the zenith of the exam pressure.
Im getting kind of tired sitting at my desk solving equations and answering questions.
So much things to do. I need a break. Too bad that I am fasting or else I would go down to the nearest provision shop and buy a kitkat.
This week marks the start of evening classes. This means, going home later, fasting at school with limited food supply and seeing faces I am not comfortable with. Putting my brain to study mode after indulging into food is VERY hard. It take me at least half an hour to get back on track. Adding in the "tired" and "lazy" factors in, it will be one hard effort to pull through.
I need entertainment to cheer me up. Nothing seems to work for me. I am using a blog to "relieve" the tension and to voice out my views on matters. Browsing my photo albums only gives me the urge to go grab my camera and take more photos. Games. There are no games to my interest now. With the computer being so old school, there isnt much to play. Chatting, its very rare to chat with friends who are talkative meaning I rarely chat. Only when I am seriously bored, I go pick any random person and start a topic. Be it anyone. That is me. Boredom brings me depression. I always have this problem. I NEED to move around. When I was in secondary 3, I did went to counselling at Pertapis for Family problems which pointed finger to me and the proble of getting depressed. How sad ehs? But it was helpful. It make me thing more maturely of how parents feel about us and thinking about it makes me feel guilty of my actions. I am turning 17 in a few days, so I have the independent to decide my own future. I can't put my "HEAVY" ass on the couch all the time because that can cause me to become more rowdy and negative.
Being bored just make things worse. Matter from the past which I thought was already eradicated will appear back. It just make me feel traumatized and less motivated to move on. There are some very hurtful words that are already etched which keep haunting me. Lets not say about event because it will be even much worse. I would think very low of myself. Thoughts like I am someone who could not be trusted, whose words are just lies. I am fat because people keep saying I am fat because of my big fat ass. That just make me point fingers. I did blame mum for giving me that big fat ass of mine. She really felt upset when I blamed her. Because of a few people who called me a fat ass, I pointed it out to mum. I could not do that right? I suppose to be filial. If I were to take 10 people and ask whether I am average or fat and 1/10 say im average. What will happen to the remaining 9? Wouldn't it offset the one who said im average. That is just an example. It means if one were to encourage me and other discourage me. It will be hard for me to be motivated to do something. Get the point?
It is just sad that my life is full of critics and I accepted the facts. My family is strict at first. Rebellion made it worse but then I did more favourable thing and I got their trust. I once learn that if I show respect to people, people would respect me. I still hold on to that principle. I once lost mum's trust and i started to do things she wanted me to do and after further effort I got back my trust. What about friends and others? One mistake will make them distrust/hate me for life. One event seems to mean like the whole universe. People are behaving like stereotypes to me but I don't seem to care about what they are thinking of. Several people said, do not let people step on my head. Agreed. But thinking about it. It is their live. I wouldn't want to retaliate and destroy their life back. If I would, I would do it silently and let them realise it. I would just take their insults and throw them away. Words from someone close to me? It is hard to forget. I hope you can imagine how i feel about it. Is it a waste of time for me to go to the person and retaliate? I could have done something much better with that time spent.
Moving on, expectations. Mum and Dad had been nagging to me about my dreams. They said if I want to be what i aspire to be, I must work hard for it. I am working hard for it but I could not do it solo. Dad said do it yourself and i tried. He said if I do not know how to do it, ask him. so i asked and in return a critic of being stupid. I know that parents want the best of us. It is just not right to insult us. Especially when we are already becoming a young adult. Parents can be very stereotypes. They think we are what we are with. They are wrong. We are for how we are brought up. That is their mistakes. They blame on influences but I blame on diverted attention or simply favouritism. Becoming a young adult requires us to think of ourselves. It is time to be independent. I start by ignoring the insults I get and making use of those "words of wisdom" that mum and dad always emphasize on. I do depend of people for certain stuffs like partnership, information, skills and so on. Face it, we do need to depend on others too. Even Singapore depend on foreign talent for our own development.
One last thing, when you've got a thing that you craved for a long time and you got it. And suddenly you decide to put it aside to do something else. When time flies by, you get engrossed on the task you are doing. What will happen to that thing? would it be forgotten? Or will it be just put on display? Does it need to be maintain? Every single thing has a feeling, an entity, even for non-living things. Ever wonder how would the thing feel if it feels as if it was abandoned and totally forgotten?
That is one long post. I need to have my afternoon nap now. I am lazy to exercise today. 545 I would be out and back to school. I am still waiting for the signal from the satellite to reach my phone.

Au revoir!

2008-09-08T22:19:00.003+08:00

I am so friggin tired yet i can't sleep.
i want to catch up with the nights i slept late. tomorrow, school going to start late at 830am. i can wake up at 7am or later.
Ouh i miss my baby! idk if she misses me back. its ok i understand =\ (figure out)
god! how am i suppose to survive!!!!!!!
what am i suppose to do rather than mugging 24/7
okay if wed and friday's plans are cancel, ANYONE WANNA CELEB MY SPECIAL DAY WITH ME?
atleast make it special for me please? anyone? ive been celebrating my day alone for years now. anyone, please? no strangers.
2 months sia!
apa nak buat!!!!
wait
IT IS NOT 2 MONTHS!!
its 2 months and 1 weeks!
september october and november.
I swear that one week i am going to spill out all the crap you going to "MISS".
then you know how ah. dont like it? its the way i show how i miss you =D
not starting a fight but kata gaduh gaduh sayang. living up to the phrase. =D
No i dont like fights just doing what you;ve said. =Dthe more the fight the more i love you, right?
thats my perspective of the phrase. okay best!

last words.
2 months WHAT THE F&@^!!!!!!
i love you. its okay if you dont love me back =( sighs. (nyehaha)

2008-09-08T20:26:00.002+08:00

First day of school.
I didn't why, i was in a mood to study. perhaps because of O level?
I only rest during lesson. Okay I do craps for every 15 minutes and I am back to work.
I have been spending time on Chemistry and Physics. Ive been practising maths and I think I can do it. I think I have to memorise the formula and steps. I finally understood Simultaneous Equation! How wonderful is that! It is nothing to boast about but it is a great achievement!
Three teachers did not came in. So meaning 2 and a half hour of free period! For geography I am being extra hyped up. I could not shut my gap up. I have been joking around with a few friends. Ouh well. All I know it was one tiring day.
I did not went home after school. There was POA extra classes from 230 till 4pm. Thats only the first period. I finished up my work early so I got a chance to relax myself. I kind of chill out doing monkey business outside the AVT. well what can I say, we're bunch of hyper-monkeys. ouh yes, I did not know why but I got shocked easily today.
4 incident if I am not wrong. First while i was doing my composition, Yu Jian shouted and my heart felt like jumping out and resulting my composition to be fulled of scribbles. second would be Hadi hiding at the corner and jumped infront of me. I kinda stay rooted to the ground with my mouth wide open. with the O.O face. Third, I suppose to recce a place behind the hold entrance. it was at the corner of the stairs. I kinda walk confidently and popped my head out. I saw 4 red cross cadets. Again, I scream like I just saw a ghost. It felt like I got a heart attack. I could not stop laughing after that. The last one was I heard a sound at the control room for the hall, was praying outside the room. When I wanted to put my ears to the door, it suddenly slammed. You knew what happen. I kinda laugh at myself for that silly incident. What the hell is wrong with me today. Perhaps it was the movie that made me scared?
Okay at 430 till 630 it was maths lesson. We went to do the O level June paper. bby done it before. I could not do some of the question caused i kind of forget the formula. Can;t blame anyone right? So the initial plan was to break fast at the mosque. But my friends kind of want to go home straight. I did not mind. When i was on my way to cross the wrong, the sec 4 dudes approached me and ask if I wanted to break fast at the mosque. Atleast I had some accomplice to break fast with. I swear we crapped a lot. we made remarks on every single thing we see. We could not stop laughing our ass out.
Even when we're inside the mosque waiting for the Muazim to perform the prayer call, we made alot of inside jokes. Since there were many Indians we make joke of them. Even the Imam became our topic to joke about. Im sorry we could not take it. It was too funny and impromptu. Overall the food was good. Free food what can I say!

Bby, I understand your situation but 2 months!? I dont think I can handle it. 2 weeks was already like in hell and I have to go through another 2 months?! No contact at all?!?! I dont think i can survive psychologically. (Nat Edu failed to train me.*Total Defence* =.=) I just got plans to meet you this Wed and Friday. Friday, you know what day it is right? Am i suppose to celebrate it alone? Wednesday, since I have an excuse to not go to night class i thought of meeting with you first. So considered last Wednesday was our last time meeting up? Well, I have nothing to say. If you say 2 months, 2 months it is. =\

ps: i wont say i miss you if you were ever going to say those " are you sure?" " you doesnt look liek you do." etc. And i wont believe you either if you ever say that to me. Fair enough =)

Gaduh-gaduh Sayang peeee.....

2008-09-07T14:17:00.007+08:00

Hello there people.
Enjoying your last day of Semptember Holidays?
I hope you guys did.

Well, it is time to finish off all the incomplete homeworks and assignments.
As for english, I do not have any idea to what to write for my composition. Im cracking my head to find inspiration. These few days I have been sleeping late. Latest would be at 2am. Reason being, either I am busying editing photos/blog or just mugging.
Its good that this week's weather was not too hot. Its just nice even though it is raining season. Even if the sun is out from hiding, it is still chilling. I feel like sleeping but I couldn't. I woke up at 12 today. Damn it.

Revision Revision Revision.

That is what I am up to now. Laziness is kicking in now. Why must there be such thing as O levels? Oh My.....

And I've got a topic to talk about now. It is regarding on the new SAF uniform.
Its the new Digital Camo No.4 Uniform.
For the fashion sense it not glamourous compared to the current no. 4 uniform. However it is much better in terms of blending to the environment. When I read the fact sheet, it states that it offers better protection in eg 7.56 calibre machine gun shot at you and it can resist it.Compared to the current one which is better in looks,it can be spotted quite easily. I just don't favour the kevlar helmet with the camoulage netting. I think the new one will look nicer in combat suit but not with beret.

The new Digital Camo No.4

The pixelated design camouflage

How it can blend to the environment very well.

Photos from www.mindef.com

2008-09-06T16:20:00.003+08:00

I have nothing to post up right now.
I've decided to post up a few photos from my album.
Some might be old.
i'll share some of my personal favourites.
Enjoy.

Editted By Panaroma Maker 4 pro and Adobe Photoshop 7.0
Lightings by Picasa.

a few of my skate and bike

2008-09-06T10:38:00.003+08:00

Bonjour!

Hello good morning.

There isn't much to say today. Only that yesterday I spent most of my time brainstorming on this blogskin. Look simple but it is not. Okay maybe I do not have any originality on making my own skin, but I sure know how to mess around with it.
ouh well. a result finally. two weeks of editting codes i am finally done with it.
Thanks to the people i asked haha.

Moving on.

During pre-dawn, we woke up late for "sahur". thanks to dad! however, i managed to stuff in 2 plates of crispy noodle, one prata, 6 glass of plain water and 5 dates.
BEAT THAT! Thats how "kiasu" i am when it comes to time. It resulted me to wake up every one hour to clear my bladder.
Ouh well, when i woke up, I've been told that I have "ngaji" lessons. I couldn't skip because last week I have already did to go to the Airforce Open House. So that is all for now. I shall update if there are anything interesting.

Before I end off, i want to complain. IT IS NOT FAIR THAT BROTHER COULD GO TO RAMADHAN ROCKS WHEN I COULDNT! MAN I MISSED IT THIS YEAR! I REQUESTED TO BE THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT NOW IT LOOKS LIKE BROTHER IS MY SUCCESSOR. HOW SAD!

Okay thats all!

Au Revoir!

2008-09-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

I got url links from youtube abt the BLG concert in SG

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFZVmjIS92A&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyJAJuIACAo&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9AEbVwsnrc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVHOXlDP6V4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOZjRmo9DtE&feature=related

from my view beb.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bty4rhiF9lk&feature=related

this is from the person behind me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b61Juabs2_k&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8zVmx9b0oo i am inside *clue, go listen the first few part and spot a head at the end.*

2008-09-06T00:41:00.001+08:00

Ah finally a new blog.
Welcome people!

after a few weeks of finding a perfect blogskin layout.
an hour of planning the colours.
with the help of cbox colour codes.
and a few hours of changing codes, colours and solving a few mistakes.
Finally! its done.
if you guys noticed, its the same skin as bby's.
she just changed it yesterday.
while this skin was on hold on my other prototypes skins.
ps: i have several blogs to test out my skins. just like testing out new found technology. =.=
ouh well, after survey my library for the music.
i narrowed down to 2 songs.
Barricade by Love Me Butch
Golden Strand by Holiday Unheard Of.
Hope You Guys Enjoy!

Au Revoir!

2008-09-05T10:11:00.003+08:00

boys like girls
31.8.08
Nike Human 10k Race Concert.

Martin and John

Martin Johnson

Martin Johnson

John Keefe

Paul DiGiovanni and Martin

The Silhoutte (Martin)

Boys Like Girls

Sorry i didnt get to have Bryan's photos.
he was way behind.